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avril 2008

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cute little dead girl

science of sleep

this is hardly the time or place to be writing this down, but I wanted to note it before I forget.  I had a long, narrative dream last night where I met a boy who was not my ex-boyfriend but who looked very much like him and happened to live in the same neighborhood.  We were in New York, where I didn't live, and my parents had just bought an apartment there...the most interesting part of this whole thing, the reason why I'm writing it down, is that in my bedroom in this new apartment,there was a door, opening up to what I knew was another apartment...and this apartment happened to belong to a certain ex-someone from high school.

What struck me was a moment in the dream when I saw him peeking from the other side of the door, then once I came looking for him, crouching down and trying to hide.  Not counting a few awkward run-ins, i haven't seen him in five years, and the fact that I captured in this dream a behaviour so quintessentially him was so strange to me.  After all this time, lodged somewhere in my brain is this in-depth understanding of how he moved, and spoke, his sense of humor, a playful mischevious nature.  We don't know each other anymore, but I know this past-him better than I knew my past-self.  Aside from the fact that he crossed my mind last night before I went to sleep, I'm curious, what, if any deeper meaning is behind him showing up, crouching in a doorway, with that same old devilish smile on his face...